Home Is Where The Mommy Is

Dear Ian,

First I must pay tribute regarding this title of this post. I have to admit that I borrowed it from a book that I just finished reading about loving your family without losing your mind. It was the title of a chapter, and it really resonated with me.

Your home definitely is where the Mommy is. Our existence is linked and twined in a way that I couldn't begin to imagine before I became a mommy. Miss Molly, the lady that ran our breastfeeding support group used to say that the first three months of an infant's life ex-utero was considered the fourth trimester, as the infants don't realize that they have been evicted from their tummy apartments and continue to live as if they are part of our womb. On one hand, I agree. On the other hand, she hasn't spent a day with you lately.

I can say, quite honestly although a bit guiltily, that I day dream and fantasize about checking into a hotel between the hours of 7am and 11am. This would give me the opportunity to attend to my toilet, shower, dress, prep and eat breakfast ALONE. I vaguely remember my own mother exclaiming in frustration about how all she needed was "FIVE WHOLE MINUTES TO PEE IN PEACE!!" I'll admit, at the time I thought it was funny. I mean, seriously, who needs five minutes to pee? Oh my, how this has turned on me. Yup, I now need those five minutes. It's not just about the peeing part; it's more about the time away from having someone asking, pulling or calling at me. Without making this too embarrassing for either one of us, today's visit to the potty had me blowing bubbles for you at the same time. And no, it could not wait. Daddy was still sleeping, and I was doing my best to keep you on the quieter side so he could accomplish this, and so therefore, bubbles were needed to avoid klaxon-like hollering.

I know that it's because you find security in me and because you find everything I do completely enthralling, but like I said, there are moments where I miss the days of cooking breakfast without having a three foot tall person pulling my pajama bottoms down. I sometimes envy the old days of showering without an audience or a participant (you have, as of late, discovered that you love taking showers.) I can now set land speed records for washing my hair, self and shaving my legs. I can do it in under 4 minutes if need be. And lately, need be...

That being said, on days when you are off playing with grandma, or if I manage to "hold it" until you are napping, I sorta miss tripping over you or fending off your curious little hands. It's the mantle I have taken up; I am, for the most part, the end all-be all of your little world, and it makes me feel like a superhero. And Daddy isn't immune either; he's had his share of partner showers with you, and he's cooked a couple of meals with you sitting on the counter "helping." This new life isn't one that we don't enjoy. We love having you around, and with me in particular, we are using these moments to teach and guide you. Dual bathroom trips are now learning experiences for potty training and good hygiene. Cooking together teaches you monumental math and vocabulary skills, and let's not forget that a woman loves a man that can cook. See? Life skills all around. Being a parent is being a 24 hour a day teacher.

But then again, I occasionally envy those teachers for spring, summer and winter breaks.

Love always,

Mommy