Mommying

Dear Ian,

I am a little behind the times when it comes to the topic of this post; the article that prompted my thinking of this topic was written almost a month ago.  But this past weekend, you and I traveled alone to Cohocton, New York (more on that later!) by airplane, and I was reminded of it again.  Our journey home had Daddy and Grandma Davis with us, but that couple of flights on our own really brought something to my attention.

There were other moms traveling alone or with their families, and to see them all loaded down like pack mules - this mom included - touched me.  Those moms probably used to tote one carry-on item that contained a book or magazine, lap top or some other item that was only just for them.  Now, they look like they are prepared for war or, at least, a natural disaster.  Food, toys, books, clothes and the like cram every square inch of a bag that just barely qualifies as a carry-on.  These moms have basically created a nursery-or-bedroom-in-a-bag.  And it made me smile.  Here they are, totally consumed by the needs of their children.  Come to think of it, really all I carried for myself on our flights was my wallet and a hairbrush.  Everything in our bag related to what you needed.  Who could ever doubt that these moms didn't put the care and attention of their children at the forefront of their traveling plans?

Getting back to that article I mentioned, it was all about the Attachment Parenting style, as described by Dr. William Sears.  This type of child-rearing, which really seems like common sense, stresses creating a solid and consistent bond between parent and child, and it is based on eight principles.  These are:

1. Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
2. Feed with Love and Respect
3. Respond with Sensitivity
4. Use Nurturing Touch
5. Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
6. Provide Consistent Loving Care
7. Practice Positive Discipline
8. Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

I do not know of any mom or parent that doesn't agree with these principles, whether or not they read or follow Dr. Sears.  But the big brewhaha with this article is based primarily on the cover and the title of the article:

Yes, this is a picture of an older child nursing.  No, it's not something I do.  But this is how this mom chooses to comfort or feed her child.  I comfort you with Lovey, and I feed you whatever we have in the pantry at any given moment.  No one says boo about what we do.  People were all in a tizzy over the picture, and while I can come up with other images of mothers doing extended nursing, it really shouldn't have been that big of a deal.  And it isn't to me.  What got me about this article was the title:

  Are You Mom Enough?  

WHAT?!  ALL moms are mom enough.  Just look at those moms in the airport.  Those moms carrying 90 pounds of baby and child paraphernalia.  Look at the moms sitting up at night for hours on end trying to soothe an infant to sleep.  Look at the moms fighting to get in a last-minute-spot at the pediatrician because their son's cough sounds a bit too wet (raising my hand here).  Look at the moms who cry when they drop their child off on the first day of school.  To say that some moms aren't being "Mom Enough" is an insult and a shame.  I couldn't believe someone was insinuating that mothers should be pitted against one another.  

Motherhood is like a sorority, and to join, moms put up with the most intense hazing and initiation process ever.  And there's more than one initiation.  There's the I-Just-Had-A-Baby chapter of the sorority, then there's the Trying-To-Survive-Toddlerhood chapter, and let's not forget the Dealing-With-A-Teenager chapter.  Moms everywhere willingly go through all of these uphill moments because they love their children.  There's no way I could ever point my finger at another mother and declare that she wasn't mom enough.  Just being a mom makes her enough.

The other day I was listening to the radio, and I noticed that all those sappy love songs they play could easily be a mom (or dad, let's not forget that daddies are just as important in the lives of their babies - your Daddy in particular) singing to their child.  And then I heard this song and it made my lose my breath, because to me, it was totally about you and my journey to you.  If there were any words to describe what I was feeling as you were born, it would be these, my son:
  

"A Thousand Years"
By Christina Perri

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Baby boy, I am Mom Enough.  You make me feel like more than enough.  I love you.

Love,
Your Mommy