Tuesday, April 7, 2015

It's Ok To Cry

Oh good Lord.  Not yet...

Dear Ian,

That title is more for me than you.

I am reminded daily that you are growing up a whole heck of a lot faster than I personally would prefer.  Tonight, I got smacked upside the head with one more of those reminders.

Tonight was...
Kindergarten Round-Up

In the Spring, your school holds a special event for incoming K-1 kiddos.  The moms and dads hang out in the auditorium and learn the ins and outs of being a K-1 parent, while you littles head downstairs with the teachers to do activities and such.  Having been a former SAS teacher, I knew that the teachers were doing this to see how you separated from your folks, followed directions and then, with planned activities, they got a general feel on where you sorta stand as an incoming student.  

But this time, I wasn't a teacher.  I was a mommy, sitting in the back row, reading paper after paper on how to best prepare you for the adventures ahead.  I read about volunteer opportunities.  We completed a check-list together, showing your school readiness.  And then, Ms. Julie called all of you little kiddos to the front to go with the teachers.  You stood up, kissed me and your Daddy and walked away like you were born to do it.  Which, I guess you are...  But man oh man.  I don't think I was
You, Me and Daddy at your Kindergarten Round-up
ready for that.  Watching the back of you as you walked with your fellow future classmates pulled at something in my heart, and at that very moment, I wanted to cry.  Where in the world did the past five years go?!  My baby boy is a big kid.  You're an elementary school student.  And I just can't wrap my brain and heart around that fact.  On one hand, I am so proud of the young man you are becoming.  You seemed so confident as you followed the other kids.  In your eyes I could see a little apprehension as you hugged me goodbye, but you were so brave, and just seeing that made me realize even more how grown up you are becoming.  But then on the other, I still see my tiny little baby boy.  And you were SUCH a little thing.  When did it become ok for infants to go to Kindergarten?!  And will I always think of you toddling around in a diaper, or learning to eat solid food?  Or perhaps will I always think of you driving me crazy with sleep deprivation as you refused to sleep from two am to five am? 

I guess the answer to that will come with time, but know that at whatever stage, I will always be so proud of you.  And tonight was just the first step in a long line of school moments that will make me want to tear up and get all weepy.  Start buying stock in Kleenex now for graduation. 

And ps:  It didn't help that today we also got your very  last Advent school picture.  Sigh.  Nope.  Timing was just about awful.  This mommy is an emotional wreck tonight.   But it's a happy cry, and it's ok to happy cry.  Or at least that's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

I love you with all of my heart,

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