Little boy. These are the current standing ground rules in this house, and as long as you live under my roof... blah, blah, blah, I know. But here they are anyway:
1. Thou shalt not pull the toilet paper off the roll. I'm not really sure when you discovered that you could unravel foot after foot of Charmin, but here we are.
2. Thou shalt not chew on shoelaces. EWW Son! I know where those have been! Gross! And while we're on that vein, please cease trying to eat my flip flops. Also Ewww!!
3. Remember that Daddy's lap top is sacred and keep it holy. I know how much you want to be like him, but please remember that he is writing code for international users, and your gibberish typing doesn't really help him out.
4. Thou shalt not pull on the poor dog's ears. He's old. You're young. The two of you really don't have much to talk about, and he's not wild about your method of communication as it is.
5. Honor your mother's wake-up time. As of late, it's been awfully early and tends to make mommy a little grumpy.
6. Thou shalt not play with outlets. They are all covered, yet you are determined. Please, son. Yes we are Southern, but we don't want you deep fried.
7. Thou shalt not pull hair. Mommy's hair, Daddy's chest or leg hair, the hair on other babies... If it's hairy, leave it alone, please.
8. Thou shalt not pull the moss out of the base of our fake ficus tree. It makes an unholy mess, and contrary to what you may think, it does NOT taste good.
9. Thou shalt not blow raspberries with a mouth-full of blueberries. What a mess it makes, and when I don't get it all cleaned off of myself and then go out in public, people think I have escaped from an insane asylum. Or haven't learned to feed myself...
10. Thou shalt not, quite literally, pull the rug out from under Mommy's feet while I cook dinner. Just today you moved the rug that is usually in front of the stove, and I caught the edge of it and nearly slipped and fell. You thought my shriek was quite funny and sat there giggling while I tried to get my heart-rate back to normal. Please try not to kill me too often. I don't know if my poor heart can take it.
Sigh. All of that sounds like you have nothing fun to do while we are at home. Thankfully, we do have a ton of fun all day, and it's just these things that push my buttons from time to time. I know you are just exploring your surroundings and testing boundaries and my resolve, and that's ok. It's your job. And my job as Mommy is to help you in that exploration in a safe and secure setting. It's a hectic job, but I love it. Just as much as I love you.