Monday, October 5, 2015

Adventures in Sleep-walking: A Story for your Prom Dates

Dear Ian,

As the mother of  a boy, I have learned quite a bit.  I've been challenged to explain "boy parts" with grace and maturity, I've witnessed you pee in your own ear as an infant (which prompted me to learn to change the diaper of a boy baby MUCH faster), and I have cleaned dirt and mud from all parts of your little self.  I've learned to enjoy bathroom humor, put up with the world's smelliest shoes - seriously, I did not know boy feet could smell that badly this early - and countless other adventures. 

I grew up with two younger brothers, I so I'm not completely clueless when it comes to the life and [gross] times of boys.  I just never dealt with boy things as a mom.  And while they can be completely disgusting, they can also be downright hilarious.  

Take last night for example... 

You sleep in a room at the top of our stairs, and since Mommy is paranoid of you falling down the stairs in your sleep, there's a baby gate up there to block the way.  Last night, while sitting on the couch watching football while Daddy was working on the laptop, I thought I heard the baby gate open.  I looked up at the top of the stairs, and there you stood, with the baby gate wide open and your jammie pants around your ankles ready to pee.  Down my stairs.  I think I broke a new world record getting up the stairs in the nick of time to direct you to the toilet, but we made it.  You were mad at me for hollering at you to stop and then redirecting you, but I managed to save the stairs and you from falling.  I am not saving you, however, from this story, because after the fear of having wet stairs or an injured boy, it was really funny.  One of your uncles - and I won't say which - pottied in a trash can in the middle of the night once, and I've heard stories of others doing similar things.  And they are hilarious!   But when it's your kid, it's even funnier.  And it's a story I plan on saving up for just the right moment. 

Love you with all my heart, asleep or awake...

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