Nicknames... You have a few

Dear Ian,

Yes, your name is Ian. Daddy and I officially decided on your name about two weeks before you were born after much deliberation. We loved the simple, yet masculine, sound of it, and we worked hard to find a name that people couldn't nickname or shorten into something cutesy. (For example: Jeffery, although not a bad name, could be shortened into Jeff. Matthew into Matt, you get the picture.) Not that names like that are a bad thing; we just wanted you to have a solid name that would stand the test of time from your infancy to adulthood. You see, the challenge of naming a baby is that you AREN'T naming a baby - you're naming a future adult. That's harder work... Anyhoo. Back on track. We more or less pulled Ian out of thin air, but as I was doodling family names, I noticed that the name Ian was formed from the last three letters of your Grandpa Davis' name. Neat! Your middle name, Thomas, is in honor of your Grandpa and Great Grandpa Brooks, as well as your Great Grandpa Colombrito. So there you are: Ian Thomas. We are so proud of the name we gave you... But then on the other hand, I worry that you will never learn your name because we call you so many random nicknames. Correction. I call you random nicknames; Daddy only calls you one in particular.

Sorry to say, this nickname thing started before you were even born. Daddy and I decided that we would find out before your birth if we were having a boy or a girl, but then we kept the news to ourselves. Sorta drove the Grandmas crazy, but it was fun. We got to bond with you first :) While you were busy growing and developing in my tummy, it just didn't seem right to keep calling you "The Baby." So, at first, you were Spawn. Scifi and video game references abound. But your old Ma and Pa took a lot of flack for this. So we gave you "names." When we referred to you as a boy, we called you Cletus the Fetus, and your girl name was Mavis Lurleen. When other's started referring to you by these names, we got a little worried and decided it was time for a change, and that's when you provided us with the perfect unisex name. You had grown up a bit and taken up most of the room in your belly accomodations, so you were constantly kicking and squirming. Hence your new nickame, Fidget the Midget. This really didn't point to girl or boy, and it rhymed, and it suited you well. So from month six to your birth, this is how we referred to you... Your Grandma Davis even sent you cards addressed to Fidget Brooks. A hoot, I think, for our mailman.

So, now you are here, christened with the name Ian Thomas Brooks, yet we still call you by random names. As I list them, I realize how often your names point to food items, and I also realize that I have a thing for alliteration. But here we go... Your nicknames, as of your tenth month.

Buddy (Daddy calls you this the most, but sometimes your Grandpa Davis does too.)
Wee Man
Angel Boy (Grandma Davis' name for you)
Doodle Bug
Pumpkin Pie
Puddin' Pop
Peanut
Wild Man
Boogie Bug
Monster Man
Pea Pod
Sweet Pea
Stinker
Monkey Man
Cornball
Love Bug
Lovey Man
Big Boy (all mommies call their little boys this, I think)
Sweetness

Sigh. Like I said, it will be a miracle if you ever learn your name. I need to work on that. However, you will most likely be able to spell your name sooner rather than later. Whenever you are headed toward something you aren't supposed to be heading to, I will spell out your name. Here's a scene from this morning:

Ian: *crawl, crawl, look back at mommy and reach out to touch the wine rack, which is way off limits.
Mommy: Little Man, come to me. You may not touch.
Ian: *reaches out a little further, still looking at mommy with that "whatcha gonna do about it" look.
Mommy: I-A-N. No, no.
Ian: Giggle and look adorable. Your current defense mechanism.

The good thing is, you at least react to every name we call you, which is nice. It's good to know that the selective deafness affliction hasn't caught up with you yet. So our parent homework for the week (correction, MY parent homework for the week): call you by your name. But it's so much more fun when we snuggle to call you Snuggle Monster.

Love always,
Mommy